Report: Atkins would suspend campaign, if she had one

In a show of solidarity with East Coast Democrats hit hard by Hurricane Sandy, City Councilwoman Linda Atkins announced today that she would suspend her re-election campaign, if she had one.

Linda Atkins stole this jacket from Virginia Bass.

“Yeah, big whoop, I know,” Atkins said. “I could actually give a shit about New York, but fuck. I had to do something to get my name in the paper, you know?”

Atkins explained. “Everyone’s all, ‘Oh yeah, Linda, run for re-election, Linda, we need you,’ but then no one gives me shit for money and my dumb ass is out there raffling off the six fucking lawn signs I could afford to make and having to fabricate BS stories so people will remember I exist.”

Atkins previously made headlines by stating that Sandy would make a “direct hit” on Eureka after annihilating Des Moines, Salt Lake and Carson City. She pointed to predictions by federal weather officials that temperatures in Eureka would likely plunge into the low- to mid-40s around Humboldt Bay overnight. Residents would also battle “perfect storm” conditions as winds — expected to gust upwards of 14 mph — combined with as much as .14 inches of rain. Micro-flooding and damp vegetation would impact many low lying areas or lawn with poor drainage.

“Okay, whatever,” Atkins said. “I would just like to point out to all the people out there who say I don’t do nothing but grandstand around and bitch about whatever the other councilmembers do that, okay, there’s some truth to that, but there’s also some truth to there hasn’t been a single hurricane to hit Eureka since I was elected, okay?” she said. “So suck on that.”


20 Responses

  1. Classic!! Love you bugs!

  2. Much love AND PEACE to to Bugs as well. Glad to see Bugs come out of the burrow to post another thread.

    It is very disappointing that campaigns and candidates often lie, cheat, misrepresent, re-direct, mislead, etcetera just to shmooze those gullible voters who really don’t do political research, but do stay amused from media exploits.

    It is also very disappointing to see acting elected officials used as “props” in commercials and ads to “recruit voters” whom don’t know the real political factoids.

    Culling out those voters whom to classify as “the same old, same old” duopolist dummies, what percentage of convincible folks are left whom can actually THINK FOR THEMSELVES?

    SPECULATIVE ANSWER: less han 20%?

  3. HOJ, I am hoping that your SPECULATIVE ANSWER isn’t a percentage based on the premise that “think for themselves” is synonymous with “agrees with me”. That’s usually what I read between the lines there. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.
    That said, I just had one of those new voters ask me about the council seat. Bonehead–er I mean Good Ole Joe has one advantage: No record.
    I don’t like Linda much as a politician and said so.
    Is anyone else just hoping the election will be over quickly? So done with this one.

  4. Bugs you were missed!

  5. Driving around Eureka you get the idea that Linda raffled off fewer than 4 signs. Where’s all that money from Pierson going? Or maybe he figured out he was throwing money at deadweight this election.

  6. I hope Pierson gave her campaign a BUNCH of money. It’s like a guaranteed prediction of who won’t win in an election. Pierson has some sort of crazy record for giving the most money to losing candidates in Humboldt County.

  7. Hey Jennifer Leeland,

    Based upon the number of overall voters whom either file as Dem or repub subtracted from the overall number of registered voters. Merely voting anything but duopolist automatically qualifies that voter as a “self-fulfilling free thinker”. The “synonymous connection” is not so much the “agree with me angle” because looking at the party infighting, there is much disagreeing occuring. That said, the duopolist voter still follows with a vote like a “piper’s rat following the music”.

    Been told often by enough seniors that they automatically vote one party or the other because that is how they always have done it (Plus, they are too old to really care a lick). That is the result of political brainwashing techniques and good old fashioned mind laundering by the two-party system proponents (Heck, the Bull-Moose Party candidate had more quality and character than Dems and repubs even way back then – T. Roosevelt). The previous generations helped to provide for what we often enjoy as citizens in our society, but also these same seniors have allowed politics to get wildly-out-of-control, quickly.

    Good words,

    Cheers and Happy Halloween, for politics is the Michael Myers/Norman Bates freak show, again, again and again. – HOJ

  8. she is going to win…

  9. Anon 5:21 p.m.:
    I know that it’s easy to say that. Or easy to believe that. But the reality is that there is a massive change in Eureka that doesn’t have anything to do with elected officials that put Police Officers’ security at risk, whining about their work and having to work with people who she doesn’t agree with and more importantly, doing what’s best for the city, not just what Bill Pierson likes.

  10. Dennis Miller on steroids.

  11. After listening to her radio ad……*GROAN*, “Linda, for the love of Pete, SHUT-UP”. IF, and a big IF she is re-elected, just how will her fellow city council members welcome her back? I would throw crap (the bank kind) at her. She maligns every one of them. Does she honestly think that broadcasting her lunacy far and wide is going to win her support on an issue, any issue? Oh, wait, I forgot, she does have the unqualified support of Sue Brandenberg, whew, for a minute there, I was worried.

  12. Off Topic I know, but hilarious nonetheless, did anyone notice that the NCJ with it’s numerous “murder music” blogpostings about homophobic reggae performers had a rant about the current scheduled performance, but still printed an ad for the performance in this week’s hard copy?

    I could care less about the manufactured controversy, and dont advocate violence against anyone, but where’s the outrage when gangsta rappers advocating violence against the police are performing?

    It’s too rich that the NCJ got on a moral high-horse, but was bucked off of it by taking thirty pieces of silver in ad revenue – see page 27 if you dont believe me.

  13. Anonymous directly above: 2nd paragraph addition 🙂

    [ I could care less about the manufactured controversy, and dont advocate violence against anyone ],

    “BUT where’s the outrage too when law enforcement officers (advocating service, protection and honor) go rogue and advocate violence among themselves under seclusion often and not openly direct?” “Seems like the gangsta rapper wannabees have more integrity 1) to do what they say AND 2) say as they do.” Afterall, never seen a “law abiding gangsta rapper practice his or her non-gangsta doings, so no evidence there.”

    Further, maybe “gangsta wannabe rappers” are merely “fighting back” against the symbolism of the oppressions encountered over the years by generations of their families (not all, but most), yes, many african american families, hispanic, far eastern, European, etc… turned fractured families for any various reasons. The plight of the inner city and the rural discriminations as history knows causes “fighting back”. The “police state supporters” love “fighting back” too.

    So, it is like a see saw battle, a teeter totting of actions, a thumb wrestling of back and forth battling. Hmm, maybe if law enforcement “changed”, less fightin’ back would occur? Now, that is an option, but highly unlikely that law enforcement moves away from police state mentalities….too many individual americans like to control and giving them a form to control (a police job) satisfies those individual power trippers who would never want to be instituted for mental disorders and anger management issues, but rather passified into a lifestyle where actions are construed as merely those “normal reactions to a job that demands power and control types”. – HOJ

  14. My dear Josephine….or perchance I should name thee Dulcinea. I am bereft of media in these woods with only a bone and a dream and a withered wit. As such I have no exposure to the Atkins media display. Am I correct in assuming from your missive that she now wishes to play nicely? Curious notion that.

    Partiicularly in the context of her only fulfilled promise to refrain from pooping in the front yards of those who do not compromise her narrow mission and her consumate angst. Not much territory there. Wow….want to talk about tilting at windmills? I have some small experience at such things and in truth, it doesn’t pay well. So where can I experience this campaign revelry? KHSU? Or, the Tired and Apprehensive Tribune? That’s Worth a look. Ever wonder why she always wears long sleeves?

    She has more body art than a sailor on long term shoreleave in Singapore. But, there’s nothing wrong with that. For me it’s more about where and how she otherwise marks her territory. In her zeal to take down the imagined miscreants, she poisons the very trees that might give her comfort, shade and some nutritious relevance but alas, my dear Josephine, she continues to sully her own den and in the bargain, seals her fate in accordance with the covenant of the pack. That, other than the big hammer man who tilts at windmills much larger than mine.

    So let it not chafe my afficionita. The Sue Brandenberg endorsement is a dull thud in the symphony of resonance and bells skipping across the waters. The theme of “vote for me because I am not like the other five you elected” is similarly dishordant. The dull and ignorant may yet have their day but it won’t be any day soon.

    So sadly, now my squire and I must take our leave. There are worlds to conquer, one tilted windmill at a time. Not unlke the honorable council member who probably compromises her cause with each knock on the door. I mean really….does she really summon up faith and confidence on a one to one basis? No knight’s errant she.

    Rest easy Dulcinea. Your honor is my province and I have not nor will I entirely fail in its protection.

    But upon my return, a mint julep may be in order and perchanch you might plant a palmtree in your courtyard in anticipation of my sucessful return. the chivalric code assumes a conflict between the old and the new reaches of absurdity. And there, Linda has me bested.

    I will do my best and, my best is considerable.

    Fond reagrds


  15. Dog. You inspire the masses. And the asses. You can leave a dump in our yard any time, my friend. We’ll scoop it up later. We all miss the point unfortunately sometimes that it’s the disagreements that bring us together more than the agreements.

    Whatever, right?

    Bring in the clowns. And the palm trees. Shade is shade, be it elm, oak or whatever. We all need a break from the sun.

  16. Aye bring in the clowns

  17. Wannabe Sunday Clownish Comical Behavior for dog,

    “Ruff ruff”, says Downey, when asked why the Sheriff’s Department wasted tax dollars on new decals and patrol car paint schemes.

    “Ruff ruff”, says Downey, when explaining the extra “pot assets, cash seized, etc… has funded the new decals and patrol vehicle paint schemes.”

    “Nuff Ruff ruff”, says CAO Haynes-Smith, cuz the county Sheriff’s Department budget is forecasted in the red when applied to the General Fund speculus.

    “Nuff Ruff ruff” wonders why “Ruff ruff” did not utilize seized pot assets, cash to be allocated for county jail repairs/maintenances that interweave with sheriff’s department’s operations?

    “Nuff Ruff ruff” wonders why “Ruff ruff” would waste tax dollars on “unnecessary decals and paint schemes for patrolling vehicles, when other Sheriff’s Department expenses exist?”

    “Nuff Ruff ruff” chimes examples of expenditures throughout the courthouse because expenses are $170k+ in the red related too “Ruff ruff’s” Department in this terrible fiscal budget situation.

    Seems like “Ruff ruff” worries too much like a “Meow, meow”, licking its coat for a better appearance in the eyes of others, even though the results are no better.

    Anyhow, not to beat a K-9 Kitty meow, meow senseless, but the former paint scheme and decal (rope-a-dope maneuver) cost taxpayers more tax dollars, not savings.

    Black and white for the new color scheme represents many of the problems in America, two sided mentalities.

    Wasted public funds, poop. – HOJ

  18. Looks like you were absolutely correct Douchebug. I do tend to bring out the asses. Or, in this case, the Justass. I have without intention invoked the dreaded distraction that the muse of the justass henchman inflicts on otherwise, relevant discussion, however satiric. Sincere apologies for that.

    I have to accept the notion that in the absence of blogs, twits would have no voice nor attract notice other than rambling diatribes that are seldom if ever published as letters to the editor.. In our perverse universe of discourse, I reluctantly agree that it makes sense; predictable tedium notwithstanding. Indeed, the asses need a voice no matter how scatological and specious as they may be.

    So I guess we have to peacefully abide the Justasses of the world. Without them, we would have no opportunity for unbridled communication at all. In the end, we bow to the Justasses who have a legitimate role to play after all.

    They make us all seem so elegant in our commentary by comparison.

    However, I have to acknowledge that the more you drop your line, the more they take the bait.

    But, please, let’s not have this conversation devolve from the finer points of the incumbent counclmember to a discussion of paint jobs.

    No palm trees for you Jefrey


  19. If you were going to waste a vote for Atkins, please spare yourself the lifelong embareassment and write in Dog. Not only is he man’s best friend, he promises not to take credit for creating the universe in campaign commercials. Moreover, Dog won’t run any commercials and just spend time on city beautification projects and public safety (palm trees and fire hydrants for all!).

  20. Color us surprised by the group hug proposal at the Supervisors yesterday… Connie Stewart has noone’s shirt-tail to ride on to get her to Assembly race in 2014 to fill Chesbro’s (go away, aready!) termed out seat. Joke’s on her, Virginia Bass AND Linda Atkins will likely go for it…now there’s a primary election bru-ha-ha if we ever saw one!

    And who is behind it? Little Matt Owen the King Maker – er make that Queen Maker to help distract everyone from seeing what a dolt Virginia has turned out to be on the County General Plan— (doesn’t know squat and apologizes the second after she actually makes an intellingent-ish remark) to give her a positive “accomplishment” to run on. And the other puppeteer? Lee Ulansey of HumCPR.

    And as for Connie? Does HSU know and endorse her for being behind the effort? Does the Great Green Machine know she used the young Healthy Humboldt Speak-easy to be her ghost speaker/representative at the podium next to none other than Lee Ulansey???????

    Okay, let us revise the “surprised” to “nauseous”.

What say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s