Effing hysterical

A modern classic from Captain Buhne. Thanks, friend!!

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Local man wins much-needed home makeover

HurleyHomeMakeverBefore-After_2

Oh that's way better. Now if you could just scrub some of the gross off that piano and promise to never ever try to sing again.

Local blogger-turned-newscaster Ryan Hurley is making headlines again–this time for submitting the winning video entry in a nationwide search for the ugliest home decor.

His prize? A complete home makeover, courtesy of Home Depot.

Designer and contest judge Ernesto Fabri said Hurley’s submission was in a class all its own.

“Rarely does one see a room so lacking in style,” Fabri said. “It doesn’t even know what it is. It seems to ask, ‘Am I a living room? a hallway? a bathroom? a foyer?’ I mean, give us a hint, per favore, so we know whether to shit or wipe our feet.”

Fabri added, “And ugly–buon dio! When Ty Pennington saw it, he had a good cry and then hanged himself with an exquisite damask drapery. To the end his taste was impeccable.”

Hurley’s interior design was so uninviting that Eureka City Councilman Larry Glass drafted an ordinance that would force him to remove the inspirational wall hangings and update his color palette.

But competition in the contest was considerable. Hurley barely edged out fake homeless guy Arcata activist Tad Robinson and Eureka slumlord property manager Floyd Squiers.

“I’m the luckiest man alive,” Hurley said. “Not only did I win all this tits new furniture, I still have that dead-end job with the city and a video blog absolutely no one watches. It’s like one big dream come true.”

‘Marginally readable’? That’s one more for the Raves page!!

Captain Buhne looking better than ever

Captain Buhne: Lookin' good

Oh that’s right, bitches. We have arrived.

Local blogging pioneer Ryan Hurley has featured the Humboldt Mirror on his new website, Eureka Now!

Hurley, best known as writer of the now-defunct Buhne Tribune, praised the Mirror as “marginally readable” and offered a few useful tips to make the site suck even less.

“We’re just thrilled,” said a Humboldt Mirror spokesperson. “I believe I speak on behalf of the entire organization when I say what an honor it is to see this self-aggrandizing has-been try to coattail on our success.”

The spokesman said he appreciated Hurley’s advice and recognized that not everyone has “the total package” the more experienced blogger brings to the game.

“On one hand, he’s got the self-consciously clever YouTube videos he shoots in his mother’s garage. On the other, there’s his grand ambition to see his name at the bottom of an overwrought letter about Levi Johnston in the pages of Vanity Fair. He’s just going for it, flat out, and all we can do is look on with envy.”

The spokesman did note that Hurley’s efforts do tend to be “a little light on substance and a little heavy on Ryan Hurley,” but said people go into media for different reasons.

“The Mirror was intended to be a centrist antidote to the lunatic-left rantings of the Humboldt Herald, whereas Eureka Now! serves as a relentless homage to its creator. While we’re saying, ‘Oh, look, Bonnie Neely’s an effing idiot,’ he’s saying, ‘Oh wow, Ryan Hurley’s dick is so big.’ It’s just two different approaches.”

Although Hurley noted in the video that he gets asked every day if he’s seen the Humboldt Mirror, the spokesman said he had “never been asked, ever, not even one time,” if he had seen Eureka Now!