We’re Really Scared Now

The now famous Youtube sensation and arguably more talented Fat Guy Chris Durant has reportedly finally ditched his T-S job in order to pursue an entertainment magazine venture. You can get a taste of the action at the Savage Henry Magazine website. Mirror Headquarters has been quietly moved to an underground bunker at an undisclosed location as a result of a bounty placed on our heads by Durant. With his impressive investigative skills we’re really going to have to be careful now.

Unfortunately not affiliated at all with the hot and talented Jen Savage

Panic at the BK

For those of you worried that the Times-Standard’s Chris Durant was seriously butt-hurt about being featured in the Mirror’s expanded earthquake coverage, fret not. The YouTube sensation and slender half of the former Fat Guys has taken his spy-cam panic routine to fine dining establishments across the North Coast. His schedule of appearances is posted on the Times-Standard’s website, right under the notice stating that off-loading several hundred million dollars of debt in bankruptcy will have absolutely zero impact on the Media News Group’s operations.

What, me worry?

T-S spy cam captures cause of mystery quake

We should have known one of the Fat Guys was somehow involved.

Leaving for another day any question as to why there’s a surveillance camera inside the Times-Standard’s newsroom, this footage, ostensibly of a dog predicting the earthquake, actually shows Chris Durant causing the earthquake when he trundles his rotund self out of his chair to make sure the dog wasn’t beating him to the taco truck. Watch.

‘Fat Guy’ missing; Google Earth joins search

Remember Christ Durant?

We do too.

For years the grammatically-challenged Times-Standard reporter stumbled and hacked his way through the police beat like an elephant on ice skates.

But when he goes missing, we feel the loss.

Why this Ryan Burns? And Donna Tam? Please. Impostors both.

We want our Fat Guy back. Whether you liked him or not–and what’s not to like?–there’s no getting around the fact that violent crime isn’t nearly as funny without him.

Where has His Corpulence gone? Does either of our readers know?

 

(We hope this development doesn’t interfere with the search….)