What happened to our Internets?

What, are we Amish? No 3G, no wi-fi, no network, no cell phone, no home phone, no Netflix, no texting, no porn, no gaming, no blogging. The way some younger members of the Bug household were banging on you’d think we were having to churn our own butter. Lost Coast Outpost reports our rascally non-redundant fiber optic cable was burned in a fire in Willits. Anyone hear anything different?