Higgins throws monstrously oversized hat in the ring for supervisor

Being smug never felt so good.

In other batshit crazy news this week we almost forgot to mention, narcissistipsycho Patrick Higgins has announced he’s running for 5th District Supervisor. Higgins currently serves as northern Humboldt County’s representative on the Humboldt Bay Harbor, Recreation and Conservation District. Higgins chairs the Harbor District’s Pompous Asshole Committee, Obnoxious Asshole Committee and the Can We Please Steer the Conversation to Include Talking About Me Committee.

Among the qualifications Higgins is touting as the reason voters in the McKinleyville, Trinidad, Blue Lake, Hoopa, Orick,  and Willow Creek areas should check his box come polling time include talking about fish incessantly, being loud, and being smug at a breathtaking level.

A prog with a sense of humor?? Maybe monkeys really will fly out of our butts.

Hello HM,

If it is ok with your graphics and legal departments I would [like] to request a higher resolution image from your blog for the “scrapbook”. Very funny. I have to admit, Sasha Cohen has a better (but hairier) body than I do. Might even have to use this for thank you cards. I would of course credit Humboldt Mirror for the “art”.

Thanks for the laughs,

Mike Wilson

Sure, John. Go ahead and quote us.

First the progs split over John Ash’s Harbor District candidacy. Now, as this screen shot of his campaign website shows, it appears that even technology has turned against him. Next thing you know, Mary Vellutini’s gonna dump his whack, egomaniacal ass and vote Marks. Fortunately the election’s on a Tuesday. Five-cent cookie day makes everyone feel better.

blah blah

Evidently Ash's own campaign website isn't sure he'd be that great for either.

Confidential to John Ash: Size really isn’t everything. Really.

Ash is so desperate

Two staffers from John Ash's Harbor District campaign help transport one of his supersized self-promotional postcards to the post office for mailing.

Mike Wilson: Trailblazer

I want port development not.

No, the Graphics Department is not going to pay for your therapy.

He may not be much for making money, but he sure knows how to spend it.

Third Division Harbor Commissioner Mike Wilson tells us that if he’s re-elected he wants to create  a vast array of water- and land-based trails for hikers, water skiers, kayakers, canoers,  paragliders,  biodiesel-powered jetskis, synchronized swimmers, etc.

He hasn’t said how he plans to pay for any of this out of the Harbor District’s upside-down budget, but not to worry. Wilson told the Times-Standard that trails have an economic component too: Businesses use amenities like these to attract a high-quality workforce.

It’s genius!! So instead of creating new jobs to replace the ones he and his far-left buddies have chased away, he’s going to help the few businesses still here recruit employees from places outside of Humboldt County.

Thanks, Mike! That’s just what we need.