Where is that wascally wabbit?

Several of our SoHum friends were quick to notice that Planning Commissioner Ralph Faust, the Bayside resident who is so vocal in his opposition to people living in rural areas like Bayside, ditched out on the big planning commission shindig down in Garberville on Thursday.

First he said he would carpool with other commissioners, then the story was that he would drive down himself, but in the end he didn’t show at all. What’s up with that?

Consider the answer to that question just one more gem from the You Can’t Make This Shit Up department.

So shortly after the board of supervisors meeting Tuesday, Faust approached county counsel to report that there had been a threat against his life. He believed he was in real danger, he said, he was afraid–and to be perfectly honest he would not feel safe going forward with the planning commission meeting in Garberville.

But what’s this he’s talking about? A death threat? Against a public official?? Holy crap!! This thing has freaky right-wing militia written all over it, does it not?

And Faust wasn’t just making this shit up. He had proof!! As evidence of the plot against him, he produced the doctored photograph and caption below which had appeared in this blog one day earlier.

Ah, now here's a classic scene from "The Christmas Story." Is it wrong of us to hope this Ralphie shoots his eye out?

How could you argue with that? We’ll be goddamned if that’s not him in that terrifying pink bunny suit. And that’s some scary-ass shit.

But Ralph–if we may–what with you being a lawyer and all, we’re assuming you can scrape up enough legal know-how to recognize that our repetition of a punchline from a clearly sourced Christmas movie does not by any standard constitute a threat, yes?

Besides, friend. If we were you, we’d worry less about the danger posed by a child’s Red Ryder carbine-action, 200-shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time and quite a bit more about stepping on your own dick with laughably stupid shit like this.

Sure, Garberville didn’t miss anything by not having your genius in the room. But the thought of you playing this photo like a pair of aces just to get out of going down there–well frankly, that just tickles us pink.

And so begins the annual Graphics Department bender

A rare behind-the-scenes glimpse of the Graphics Department's corporate headquarters. This is just one of many reasons why we hold the Humboldt Mirror Christmas party at Avalon.