What would Kaitlin do?

Yeah. We added Sheen. Sorry Charlie, but you won't be recognized for your greatness until long after your death.

Kevin Hoover’s Arcata Eye usually boasts an eclectic array of letters to the editor, and the current issue is no exception. The collection starts off with letters from someone who doesn’t like full page ads, someone else who doesn’t like capitalism, several someones who will lose their will to live if an elderberry tree is pruned, and some deeply felt but poorly executed rant from Jeffrey Schwartz, whose burgeoning career seems to allow a suspiciously huge amount of time for letter-writing.

But our favorites were toward the end, including this inspirational missive from Maureen Kane.

May I ask you who your heroes are?

My heroes tend to be those persons who have been willing to speak truth to the ruling elite.Many of whom have been imprisoned and/or assassinated for doing so.

Such as: Socrates, Jesus, Shakespeare, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Thoreau, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Howard Zinn, Vandana Shiva, Noam Chomsky, Amy Goodman, etc….

Do you think any of us would be here now- or even want to be-without the intelligently courageous souls who have persisted in speaking out in promoting truth and justice for all?!?

Two of these souls are living right here within our community. They are Kaitlin Sopoci-Belknap and David Cobb, co-creators of Democracy Unlimited of Humboldt County.

Socrates, Jesus, Mahatma, and Kaitlin. Don’t look now, but we have goosebumps!! Readers who enjoy the taste of their own vomit can find the rest of the missive at the Arcata Eye.

Another letter, titled “Humboldt Baybasher,” is included here in its entirety.

So I was walking home today from Farmers’ Market and as I walked past the Arcata Community Center I saw a frightful thing! Beer cans, plastic cups, root beer cans (really), cigarette butts as far as the eye could see and all other sorts of revelry-induced garbage ALL OVER THE GROUND. In the bushes, in the street, on the sidewalk… everywhere.

I stopped to consider what might have caused such a mess so close to a public playground and the Community Center of all places and then I remembered: The Baykeeper’s Earth Day Bash was last night!

According to their mission statement, “Humboldt Baykeeper was launched in October, 2004 to safeguard our coastal resources for the health, enjoyment and economic strength of the Humboldt Bay community through education, scientific research and enforcement of laws to fight pollution.”

“Be a part of what they say is their ‘first Earth Day Bash,’ and watch Bernhard and his band do wrong right for the right reasons on Earth Day 2011.”

My neighborhood feels pretty polluted right now, and the gutters at the Community Center drain right in to the bay/creek, correct? I’m really jazzed that the Baykeeper charged people between $25 and $40 to come out and (literally) trash the areas surrounding the Community Center.

*sigh*

Beth Mason
Arcata

No doubt Kaitlin and David took a few minutes away from creating the philosophical underpinnings of western civilization to clean that shit up. That’s the stuff heroes are made of.

The plot thickens

Subject: Please join Eureka Mayor Virginia Bass for a press conference this Thursday, December 17th, at 12:00 noon.

Please join Eureka Mayor Virginia Bass for a press conference.

Virginia will be announcing her candidacy for Humboldt County 4th District Supervisor on the County Courthouse steps (5th and I Streets) this Thursday, Dec. 17th, at 12:00 noon.

No surprise to anyone, really, so we have just a few thoughts on this.

One, Virginia, this time please hire a campaign manager who doesn’t make people want to puncture their own eardrums with an ice pick just so they don’t have to listen to him talk anymore. Please.

Two, keep in mind you could run as an incumbent for mayor, a position we would hate to see go to a marijuana dispensary manager from Arcata.

Three, if you and Jeff Leonard split the moderate vote and we end up with the fucking Bon Bon again or the prog queen Socio-Belcrap, we will not be happy. At all. Although “we” in this context admittedly means everyone but the Graphics Department, which inexplicably thinks Kaitlin is hot, in no small part because her clothes, like the Grinch’s heart, are two sizes too small, but still not as hot as Virginia.

Finally, when you have announcements to make, consider sending them directly to us so we don’t have to get the news secondhand, like those awkward STD notifications from the Health Department. A’ight?

Otherwise, hugs!!

Eeny, meeny, miny–noooo!!

Morticia Sopoci-Belknap

Morticia Sopoci-Belknap: She's creepy and she's kooky, mysterious and spooky.

File this one under God Help Us All.

Could there be, as Ryan Hurley reports, a possible Bonnie Neely–Kaitlin Sopoci-Belknap showdown looming in the fourth supervisorial district?

You may remember Sopoci-Belknap as the Addams Family-esque champion of unconstitutional ordinances, massive water rate increases and specialized geriatric care.

Her candidacy would turn that race into the “Sophie’s Choice” of local elections, only without any hot chicks or convincing performances.

Deciding between those two would be like trying to choose which eardrum to puncture with an icepick, or which testicle to set ablaze.

Who knows. Maybe David Cobb was speaking out of turn, and when he got home from that interview someone gave him a very naughty spanking.

Photo ripped off from here and here.

Freshwater Tissue Co: Wipe-out or royal flush?

What are the chances that Humboldt County, a place not previously known for personal hygiene, could become the toilet paper capital of California?

Reading the information provided on the Freshwater Tissue Co. website, it’s hard to say. But FTC President Bob Simpson, whose company purchased the Samoa pulp mill in February, sounds confident.

In a video posted on the website, Simpson boasts that FTC would “produce an essential product that is somewhat recession-proof in that every consumer in America has to buy it.”

While that is a slight overstatement, we find ourselves in a rare moment of agreement not only with Bonnie Neely, who supports the project, but also with the ubiquitous Prog tool Kaitlin Sopoci-Belknap. That the latter ostensibly presides over a ratepayer-supported water district and yet in an official letter of support to a US Congressman misspells “ratepayer” pretty much tells you everything you need to know about her.

It remains to be seen whether the support of these two public savants will withstand reality, or if this is just something they’re saying to cling to elected office. Regardless, we’re enthusiastic about the project and hope Simpson is able to raise the necessary capital.

Sure, we’re talking about toilet paper, and there will be jokes. We’ll undoubtedly tell a few of them ourselves. But we wouldn’t mind a bit if bathroom tissue eventually edged out Humboldt County’s other top exports—marijuana and national news stories making fun of Arcata—and replaced some of the thousands of jobs Neely and the Progressives have, through the years, worked so hard to drive away.