Times-Standard announces it will suck one day less each week

As part of its ongoing effort to run itself into the ground, the Times-Standard announced that after the first of the year it will cease publication of its Monday edition.

Media News Group, the Times-Standard’s parent company, will additionally shutter the Humboldt Beacon, a weekly that managed to serve the Eel River valley just fine for more than 100 years before MNG took it over in 2005.

In a Monday memo, Publisher Dave Kuta wrote, “None of these decisions were made easily, and had I routed this announcement through copy editing instead of going it alone so I could spring it on staff, someone would have caught the subject-object disagreement at the beginning of this sentence.”

Okay, okay, we made that last part up.

This news comes on the heels of a reported blow-out between Times-Standard Managing Editor Kim Wear and City Editor Dave Rosso, who had returned to the daily after its previous city editor came down with a heroin addiction. Following the fight with Wear, Rosso is said to have stormed out and returned the next day to tender his resignation.

So what does all of this mean for Humboldt County? As much as we enjoy making sport of the Times-Standard’s sometimes glorious fails, we don’t wish job loss on anyone, and losing another community newspaper can’t be good news for any of us.

Read the longer second-day article here.

ECONOMIC CRISIS HITS HOME: Times-Standard lays off headline verbs–with update!!

In a sign of deepening financial turmoil, Humboldt County’s oldest daily newspaper confirmed Tuesday that it has laid off virtually all of its headline verbs.

Times-Standard Managing Editor Kimberly Wear additionally warned that gerunds and present participles could be next.

“Of course it’s sad whenever any part of speech loses its job,” Wear said, “but we’re adding slots in other departments. For example, while we’ve had to let our news headline verbs go, we’re employing an obscene number of colons in sports.”

[Hey sports dudes–lighten up. You’re writing sports stories, not doctoral dissertations.]

The effect of the layoffs was immediately noticeable. One story Tuesday was entitled simply “Economic politics,” while another, called “Columbus Day?” similarly skimped on both verb and object but managed, in the end, to find work for an odd but fortunate question mark.

In the Times-Standard’s top story, “County unemployment at highest rate in decade,” the cash-strapped fish-wrap couldn’t afford even one little form of be.

But tough economic times may have temporarily cooled the usually white-hot rivalry between the Times-Standard and the Eureka Reporter.

In an unprecedented show of support, Eureka Reporter Publisher Judi Pollace offered to loan her competitor a dysfunctional website, three car-wreck photos, and an entire issue filled with other stories no one gives a shit about.

UPDATE: Pleads, Goes, Faces and the Draws twins return to work Wednesday!! Insiders say the county’s paper of record dipped into the Fat Guys’ Emergency Donut Fund to pay the bill. Way to take one for the team, guys. Now if only we could get the sports colons to cut back a little. (Dressage? Really?? Is that even a sport?)