Employment outlook dims for one Graphics Department staffer

hot to not

BREAKING NEWS: Is Loretta Nickolaus calling it quits?

Tragedy strikes: Is Her Hotness really leaving us?

Tragedy strikes: Is Her Hotness really leaving us?

Numerous sources tell the Humboldt Mirror that Loretta Nickolaus is stepping down from her post as County Administrative Officer, the highest non-elective position in the county. Notice was given recently, with her last day said to be Dec. 18.

The highly respected Nickolaus has long been considered the brightest light in local government. While admittedly some have set the bar rather low, no one but Bonnie Neely ever had a bad word to say about Loretta.

Which of course just made us like her that much more.

Audits and oddities

To: Humboldt County Community Development Disservices Director Kirk Girard

Subject: Headwaters Revolving Loan Fund request

Dear Director Girard,

Thank you for your recent request for an additional $1.5 million loan to the Arcata Economic Development Corporation from the Headwaters Revolving Loan Fund account. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate your request for the following reasons.

  1. An independent audit revealed that you mismanaged the first $1.5 million you gave to the AEDC. Specifically, the auditor noted that:
    a. You cannot account for the money.
    b. The AEDC’s independent auditor cannot account for the money but has aked to borrow some of it.
    c. AEDC staff cannot account for the money and are uncooperative when asked to try.
    d. As a result, it cannot be determined whether the county is being repaid promptly, or even repaid at all.
  2. We’re still looking for that $11 million and change in Community Development Block Grants your department gave out and didn’t keep track of.
  3. All of this was made public just last week, and we haven’t forgotten about it yet.
  4. The appropriate response to a report that rips you a redundant pooper and recommends suspending activities with the AEDC is not to say, oh, yeah, cool, so can I give them 100% more money to mismanage?
  5. I was already up to my tits in complaints about your incompetence and arrogance before this most recent example of both.
  6. The big “not recommended” with my initials next to it on the cover of the staff report? Yeah, fuckhead, that’s all me.

Oh and Kirk–funny thing. Somehow, the agenda for the July 14th meeting at which the audit was presented does not contain a link to the audit report. Funnier still, every other agenda item is properly linked to its relevant supporting documentation, and only that audit report seems to be missing. Weird, huh?

Loretta Nickolaus
Humboldt County Administrative Officer

Lovelace identifies new wetlands to protect

A broken toilet valve on the second floor of the Humboldt County Courthouse has created “an environmental opportunity” to convert the first floor of the building into potentially species-saving marshlands, according to 3rd District Supervisor Mark Lovelace.

“As far as I’m concerned, this is now critical habitat and subject to all the protections provided by law,” Lovelace said Thursday.

“At least a dozen different species of endangered mold can now thrive on and in the interior walls of the courthouse. And with only a small amount of work, coho salmon can swim free through the hallways and elevator shafts in pools shaded from the sun.”

The offices of the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors were particularly hard-hit by the flood, with ceiling tiles collapsing onto the desk of County Administrative Officer Loretta Nickolaus.

When asked what she thought of Lovelace’s habitat protection idea, Nickolaus responded that it was “not quite but almost as idiotic as that fucking billy-goat hair he’s got growing on his chin.”