Woolley to step down into hole he dug himself

Citing years of his own mismanagement, Humboldt County Supervisor John Woolley announced Monday that he would not run for re-election in November.

“I’ve devoted 11 years of my life to rewarding my friends, punishing my enemies, and keeping my daily 5 p.m. drink-date at the Waterfront Café,” the 64-year-old said in a written statement.

Woolley also listed among his accomplishments the Tamara Falor debacle, fruitless and costly Tooby Ranch litigation, failed redevelopment plans and the almost decade-late and still incomplete general plan update.

“More importantly,” the statement continued, “last year, in direct response to health and safety concerns raised by my constituents, I trimmed the living shit out of my eyebrows, and the response I’ve gotten is that now they’re really working for me—quite a bit harder than I’ve ever worked for any of you.”

The three-term supervisor did not say whether his eyebrows would run for office without him.