Hagen: Gallegos ‘congenitally unqualified’ for office

"Someone bring Abe Lincoln back. I swear this guy's eyes are following me around the room."

Spank!

Remember our old friend Jeffrey Schwartz? The boob who practiced law as http://www.YouGoFree.com before carpetbagging his bad self up here and taking up space in the offices of our very own Humboldt County District Attorney’s Office–where he, without actually trying cases or any of that employment-related nastiness, managed to get himself paid more than anyone else in the office, before deciding he was made for even better things and becoming a part-time hostess at Sizzler?

Yeah we made that last part up, but what fun we had doing it!

Anyhoo. This same Jeffrey Schwartz wrote in a letter to Paul Hagen supporters some of the most intellectually dishonest shit we think we’ve ever read, including equating a vote for challenger Allison Jackson to a vote for mega-stores, clearcutting and nuclear power plants, none of which Jackson is believed to support, and none of which actually falls under the purview of a district attorney anyway.

The mild-mannered Hagen–fittingly–went nuclear. His must-read response to Schwartz, from the Arcata Eye website, describes Gallegos as “congenitally unqualified” for the position and lists just a few of the many ethical lapses that have defined the Gallegos administration.

One of our favorite bits comes toward the end:

Based on my direct personal experiences, my knowledge of Paul Gallegos’ utter lack of what I consider true ethics, courage and honesty, as well as his now-proven political campaign-trash tactics, I believe these things fundamentally disqualify his being a progressive.  Or a district attorney.

Yeah. That’s gonna leave a mark.

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Police chief denies spousal rape accusation, says two were never married

The embattled chief of the Blue Lake Police Department issued a strongly worded statement Sunday night stating that he is “completely innocent” of spousal rape because he is not married to the woman he drugged and sexually assaulted.

David Gundersen, 53, was arrested Friday in McKinleyville on suspicion of drugging and raping a woman identified only as his “wife,” who is said to be a Blue Lake police sergeant.

In Gundersen’s first public statement, he wrote, “I have every confidence that I will be vindicated of these baseless charges, and I challenge those who now seek to smear my name to produce a single shred of proof that I am in any way ‘married’ to the woman I raped.”

Gundersen went on to say that “concealed beneath” the rape accusations is an “elaborately orchestrated plan” to prove a violation of the department’s policy prohibiting nepotism.

“I am fully cognizant of the seriousness of that claim,” he wrote, “and am prepared to provide clear and convincing proof that I am completely innocent of improperly hiring and promoting anyone.”

Reached by phone late Saturday, Jeffrey Schwartz, Gundersen’s defense attorney and part-time Sizzler hostess, said allegations such as this are not uncommon in a small town.

“We don’t have the luxury of six degrees of separation in a population this size,” Schwartz said. “It’s not uncommon to go around hiring, promoting and raping all kinds of people only to find out later that you’re actually married to them.”

But the former deputy district attorney said that in this case that simply didn’t occur. “I’d go so far as to bet a free trip through the salad bar that David is absolved of all charges,” he said.

Gundersen remained in custody on $500,000 bail.