Hagen: Gallegos ‘congenitally unqualified’ for office

"Someone bring Abe Lincoln back. I swear this guy's eyes are following me around the room."

Spank!

Remember our old friend Jeffrey Schwartz? The boob who practiced law as http://www.YouGoFree.com before carpetbagging his bad self up here and taking up space in the offices of our very own Humboldt County District Attorney’s Office–where he, without actually trying cases or any of that employment-related nastiness, managed to get himself paid more than anyone else in the office, before deciding he was made for even better things and becoming a part-time hostess at Sizzler?

Yeah we made that last part up, but what fun we had doing it!

Anyhoo. This same Jeffrey Schwartz wrote in a letter to Paul Hagen supporters some of the most intellectually dishonest shit we think we’ve ever read, including equating a vote for challenger Allison Jackson to a vote for mega-stores, clearcutting and nuclear power plants, none of which Jackson is believed to support, and none of which actually falls under the purview of a district attorney anyway.

The mild-mannered Hagen–fittingly–went nuclear. His must-read response to Schwartz, from the Arcata Eye website, describes Gallegos as “congenitally unqualified” for the position and lists just a few of the many ethical lapses that have defined the Gallegos administration.

One of our favorite bits comes toward the end:

Based on my direct personal experiences, my knowledge of Paul Gallegos’ utter lack of what I consider true ethics, courage and honesty, as well as his now-proven political campaign-trash tactics, I believe these things fundamentally disqualify his being a progressive.  Or a district attorney.

Yeah. That’s gonna leave a mark.

Vote Paul Gallegos, because congenital dishonesty is a quality one looks for in a district attorney

Good ol' Gags. He cannot tell a lie (unless it's one he's able to plagiarize from someone else).

Two pages before the major dick-smack Hank Sims gave Paul Gallegos over the latter’s blatant misrepresentation of county crime stats, the world’s dumbest district attorney had already moved on to his next fictional accomplishment.

This one came in the form of an advertisement which states Gags “won” a million-dollar judgment against Big Oil and Tire Co., litigation in which neither he nor his office was meaningfully involved.

Instead, the case was assembled and managed by the state Attorney General’s Office on behalf of the State Water Board in conjunction with the California District Attorney’s Association of which, presumably, Gallegos is one of at least 58 members.

Arguably not the sort of thing to toot one’s own horn over.

Insiders, however, were quick to note that Gags was not entirely uninvolved.

While it’s true his office did not conduct an investigation, did not file motions, did not prepare briefs and did not participate in settlement talks, we’re told a secretary in his office did forward to the AG documents assembled by the county’s Environmental Health inspectors.

Oh, and he also lobbied to get added to a news release two months before an election.

What a leader!

When reached for comment, Gallegos said he would take credit for his own accomplishments if he had any.

Okay okay, we made that last part up.

Correction

Dear Bugs,

Although I am part of the Hagen campaign team, my involvement is
somewhat peripheral. I am not running the day-to-day operations. Not
that I mind being mentioned on your blog, I just don’t want people to
think I’m the go-to guy for the campaign.

Shane Brinton

Damn! This is the closest we’ve come to being right about anything in a long time. But thanks, friend, and good luck sending Gallegos back to his wildly unsuccessful private practice.

Cleary finds a use for some of that money coming out his ass

How do we know this shit? Fucking Zoltar told us, okay? Give him your treasure. He has much wisdom and all that crap. But check out Cleary's next round of FPPC expenditure forms. You'll wonder why he didn't retain Zoltar instead.

One of the great things about small-town politics is the absence of high-powered, high-priced campaign management firms. Candidates pretty much across the board rely on local talent–up-and-comers or has-beens who typically bring more energy than expertise to the race.

But that’s all part of the fun. Neely had Vogel, and Clendenen used that ass-hat Bill Thorington (or vice versa). Gallegos hired Pete Nichols’ hot ex-wife. Hagen’s got Brinton lined up for the district attorney race. Bass and Owen are rocking that husband-wife thing, and Leonard’s attempt also appears to be a family affair.

So why, then, would Patrick Cleary, the carpetbagging rich guy running for the supervisorial seat to be vacated by Jill Duffy, feel the need to hire a professional political consulting, lobbying and campaign management firm from Sacramento?

A firm that has represented Lieutenant Governor John Garamendi?

And Assemblymembers Noreen Evans and Mark Leno?

Duffy&Capitolo [weird, but no relation] is a political campaign management and media firm. Our creative strategies and powerful advertising win elections and move public opinion. We are proud to work with Democratic candidates, progressive coalitions and public safety organizations. Our services include:

  • Production of direct mail, television and radio advertising
  • Message development, media relations and speechwriting
  • Voter targeting and campaign plan development
  • Endorsement strategy and coalition building
  • Management of fundraising and campaign finance specialists
  • Coordination and analysis of polling, focus groups and opposition research
  • Supervision of field staff and Get Out The Vote (GOTV) effort

Oh well. So much for that whole grassroots thing.