County basically bored shitless today

Dreary weather, a lackluster Board of Supervisors meeting, and the absence of a noteworthy encore to yesterday’s earthquakes have left North Coast residents feeling a little blah today.

“I couldn’t really give one solid crap about much of anything going on right now,” said one Eureka resident, who lost interest in the interview and wandered away before providing his name.

At the weekly board meeting this morning, the supes passed some lame resolution about the Mad River bluffs, while Third District stealth candidate Paul Pitino napped quietly in the back of the room.

Even local bloggers seemed unable to rouse themselves. The North Coast Blogthing complained about meat, the Humboldt Herald groused about ads, and Fred (the undisputed king of Humboldt blogdom!) announced he wasn’t going to work.

National media fared little better.

NBC reported that a team of synchronized swimmers passed out together in a synchronized fashion, while CNN predicted that Mother’s Day spending this year would decline by an average of 51 cents.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

War of words continues in electoral haiku contest

Second and Third District candidates for the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors showed off their verbal wizardry Thursday at a competitive poetry jam attended by hundreds of potential voters.

But the event, sponsored by the League of Women Poets, wasn’t all fun and games.

The poetry jam raised almost a dollar for the Perpetual Campaign to Continuously Re-elect Bonnie Neely, which was apparently in need of both an envelope and a stamp so that the six-term supervisor could at long last respond to Third District candidate Bryan Plumley’s request for a meeting.

But it was another Third District candidate, Paul Pitino, who walked off with the event’s grand prize for this piece:

“No contributions
And no campaign endorsements
Maybe not so smart”

League President Marsha McBusybody called all of the haiku “powerful,” but said Pitino’s was especially moving.

“Like all great art, Paul’s work was transcendent,” McBusybody said. “In a very few words, we were made to understand the smallness of man, the vastness of his ambition and the vividly distinct possibility that Paul Pitino will mow lawns for a living until the day he dies.”

The other electoral haiku are listed below in alphabetical order by the candidate’s last name.

I love Indians
Local Solutions bought me
Blue Lake paid the bill

-Clif Clendenen, Second District

 

Unemployed DJ
Seventy thousand a year
Buys a lot of weed

-Estelle Fennell, Second District

 

Need a real job
Plan B is running Palco
I’d suck at that too

-Mark Lovelace, Third District

 

What sets me apart?
A Democrat with a job
Rare in Arcata

-Bryan Plumley, Third District

 

Hey you two-bit whores
Want to talk about apples?
Mine are fucking huge

-Roger Rodoni, Second District

Ken Miller calls for wipees, fresh underpants, as completely normal guy enters Third District race

Far-left string-puller and perennial sore loser Ken Miller deposited a massive load of stink in his chinos Wednesday upon learning that mainstream Democrat Bryan Plumley would challenge enviro-fascist Mark Lovelace for the Third District seat on the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors.

“All of Mark’s supporters should be shit-their-pants scared of Plumley,” said MIller, who characterized the late entrant into the race as “a guy we’re going to have a hard time smearing, pardon the pun.”

“He’s like human Olestra,” Miller said. “He’s from Arcata, he’s a Democrat, he’s worked for years to create jobs in the county, he actually makes sense, and he hasn’t already alienated half the voter-base. If that doesn’t cause a little fecal urgency among his competitors, I don’t know what will.”

As of Wednesday afternoon, six candidates had filed the requisite paperwork to run for the post that was put up for grabs when John Woolley decided to step down at the end of his current term.

Candidates included Plumley, Lovelace, landscaper and former Arcata City Councilman Paul Pitino, former Sacramento politico Christopher Lehman, Harbor Commissioner Mike Wilson, and carpenter and Humboldt Coalition for Property Rights rep Lee Ulansey.

But by Wednesday night, after Miller rolled the major deuce in his drawers, the field had unexpectedly narrowed to three.

Ulansey withdrew to throw his support behind Plumley, while Wilson and Lehman dropped out for reasons unknown.

Only Plumley, Pitino and Lovelace remained.

Plumley, 40, an Arcata business leader, told North Coast Journal Editor Hank Sims that he had no particular agenda but was interested in “economic development” and “competent management,” both of which Lovelace opposes.

Miller said he plans to sue Plumley’s campaign for the cost of having his slacks cleaned replaced, plus a few hundred thou for the emotional distress and lingering stench the nearly foot-long stink-pickle left behind.