Carson Park Mofo jumps on the publicity-whore bandwagon

Admittedly, though, he is a looker.

Admittedly, though, he is a looker.

All right, all right, bro.

Here. Have some hits.

Feel better?

Hugs!!

(But a little PS, if we may? No one deserves to have condescending and derogatory “news” articles written about them by people who–kind of like you– seem to think disagreement with the writer’s beliefs is a sign of incurable stupidity. That’s what’s wrong with the cable news shows you seem to be so enamored of and why no one we know watches them. They’re arrogant, inaccurate and unfair. So was Bob Doran’s characterization of a group of people in Fortuna who oppose the current range of health reform options. But hey–thanks for giving us another opportunity to point that out.)

Local man wins much-needed home makeover

HurleyHomeMakeverBefore-After_2

Oh that's way better. Now if you could just scrub some of the gross off that piano and promise to never ever try to sing again.

Local blogger-turned-newscaster Ryan Hurley is making headlines again–this time for submitting the winning video entry in a nationwide search for the ugliest home decor.

His prize? A complete home makeover, courtesy of Home Depot.

Designer and contest judge Ernesto Fabri said Hurley’s submission was in a class all its own.

“Rarely does one see a room so lacking in style,” Fabri said. “It doesn’t even know what it is. It seems to ask, ‘Am I a living room? a hallway? a bathroom? a foyer?’ I mean, give us a hint, per favore, so we know whether to shit or wipe our feet.”

Fabri added, “And ugly–buon dio! When Ty Pennington saw it, he had a good cry and then hanged himself with an exquisite damask drapery. To the end his taste was impeccable.”

Hurley’s interior design was so uninviting that Eureka City Councilman Larry Glass drafted an ordinance that would force him to remove the inspirational wall hangings and update his color palette.

But competition in the contest was considerable. Hurley barely edged out fake homeless guy Arcata activist Tad Robinson and Eureka slumlord property manager Floyd Squiers.

“I’m the luckiest man alive,” Hurley said. “Not only did I win all this tits new furniture, I still have that dead-end job with the city and a video blog absolutely no one watches. It’s like one big dream come true.”