This Week in Stupid

douchetrophyWelcome to the first edition of This Week in Stupid, a new weekly column in which we will present the coveted Douchebaggy Award to the person or persons who best exemplify the mental ineptitude that has made this county the clusterfuck it is today.

Our first week of competition turned into a tag team event. Larry Glass and Sheryl Schaffner, with their poorly conceived rental housing ordinance, faced off against the relentlessly opinionated husband-wife duo of Jeff Schwartz and Marcy Burstiner, whose contributions to American letters last week proved even stupid people can become lawyers and college professors.

First, Mr. Schwartz lamented the difficult lot of the professional classes who, even with their multiple degrees and cush jobs, still can’t always afford to send their kids to private schools. Not only that, but now they’re expected to pay for their own childcare, and they have no special immunity to contagious disease. Our hearts break! But, uh, counselor? You do recall that you recently quit a job that paid $96,000 a year, which is more than three times the average Humboldt County income, right? So honestly–how sorry for you do you expect us to feel?

Ms. Burstiner, meanwhile, took local media to task for failing to describe the budget cuts that caused her to be furloughed three days a month as “tragic.” Well, professor, one person’s “tragedy” is another’s balanced budget. If you’re teaching your journalism students to insert this kind of opinion into the news stories they write, maybe your three-day furlough should be described as “inadequate” instead.

So Jeff and Marcy, this Douchebaggy’s for you!

Well that’s it for now. Stay tuned for the next installment of This Week in Stupid. Send your nominations to humboldtmirror@gmail.com.