It’s beginning to look a lot like retirement

With all of the free time on her hands following her recent loss in an unsuccessful bid for a 37th term as Fourth District Supervisor, Neely can finally get back to basics: Sharing a home-cooked meal with friends. Soaking in all of those sweet holiday festivities. Planning world domination.¬† Yadda yadda yadda…

We haven’t seen a nose this red since Peter LaVallee was mayor

After Rudolph called in sick, Santa's options were bleak.

You better watch out, you better not cry

Well. Maybe mall Santa wouldn't be a good career path after all.

Oh unemployment, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling?

Okay, FYI, for all you literalists out there, we do actually know the 12 days of Christmas don’t start for another 10 or so days. But really. Who wants to see a bunch of Christmas crap after the holiday? Not us. And–we’re guessing–not our good friend dog, for whom we have left a¬†delicate morsel on the sign holding the money pot.

Subtle, yes? Palm trees. To you. From us. With love and such.

We knew she'd land on her feet.

Graphics Department mounts coup at Humboldt Mirror

An internal power struggle turned violent Sunday morning when a handful of disgruntled graphic designers laid siege to the posh headquarters of a local media company.

The dispute appears to stem from the Humbug’s extended absence from the Humboldt Mirror, a blog which initially offered a refreshingly satirical spin on local politics but quickly became juvenile and derivative before quitting altogether more than a month ago.

“They’ve been peppering our position with beer bottles and gay porn videos for the better part of an hour,” the Humbug reported from an undisclosed location deep inside Humboldt Mirror headquarters.

“Basically it’s raining men, all of whom seem to be wearing overalls down around their ankles. We’ve been able to hold out this long only because some of the bottles weren’t empty, and after knocking back a couple Millers a few of those gay guys look hotter than you’d think.”

But it’s clear the bugs can’t hold out forever.

“Something’s gotta give,” said a determined but weary Humbug. “I mean, come on. Miller beer? We’re gonna cock-punch those douchebag graphic designers when they show up to get their paychecks.”

Despite the continued rancor, some concessions have already been made.

“We’ve agreed to allow the Graphics Department to display a series of holiday-themed photos tentatively titled ‘The 12 Bon Bons of Christmas.’ In return, they said they would start lobbing PBRs and ‘Girls Gone Wild’ videos instead.”

A spokesman for the designers said he believes today’s actions send a clear message to corporate leaders everywhere.

“Lead, follow or watch a bunch of out-of-work construction workers have sex with each other in highly stylized rural settings. It’s that simple.”