The tragical history of Dr. Faust

faust_tnRemember Faust? No, sillies. The other Faust. Goethe and Marlowe’s Faust, that German fellow with the awkward syntax who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for–well, something. We forget what. Knowledge. Power. An extra two inches. Does it matter?

The story itself is your standard-issue dog turns into a devil, offers to serve Faust on earth if he promises to return the favor in hell, and after the deal is inked in blood our protagonist commences the illicit banging of a hot chick who kills her mom so as to facilitate additional banging before getting predictably pregged and her brother dies defending her honor and she drowns her baby in the river, etc., etc.

Bo-ring, really, but the arrangement clearly turned out none too well for anyone, including Faust, who after that odd jumble of plot elements still had to follow through on the whole burning-in-hell end of things.

But the story has been notably cheerier for the other Faust–Ralph, whose narrative goes something like this: A lawyer of enormously so-so abilities is recruited by Bonnie Neely to Humboldt County where he is named Interim County Counsel and advises the board during the drafting of the General Plan Update, after which he is appointed by Mark Lovelace to represent the Third District on the Planning Commission while it considers and revises the General Plan Update, while at the same time providing legal counsel to the Northcoast Environmental Center, an organization which, on its own and as part of the Healthy Humboldt Coalition, actively lobbies both the Board and the Planning Commission to achieve its preferred outcome to–you guessed it–the General Plan Update.

That Mr. Faust as Interim County Counsel generously if improperly released dozens of GPU-related documents to Mark Lovelace–before the latter was elected, before he was even a candidate to be Faust’s future appointer–well that’s just another thread in the web.

But here’s one important difference between the two Fausts: No one’s suggesting ours sold his soul to anyone.

Honestly. Who would buy it?

He suits me not at all, our new-made Burgermeister!
Since he’s installed, his arrogance grows faster.
How has he helped the town, I say?
Things worsen,—what improvement names he?
Obedience, more than ever, claims he,
And more than ever we must pay!

-Goethe

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Lovelace mulls run against equally distasteful rival

Mark Lovelace confirmed Thursday that he is considering tossing his oversized hat into the ring in a Third District supervisor race that could pit the unpopular Humboldt Watershed Council President for Life against Harbor Commissioner and fellow far-left egomaniac Mike Wilson.

“I think when Supervisor (John) Woolley announced he was stepping down at the end of his term, few district residents imagined someone even more polarizing and repugnant might end up filling that seat,” Lovelace said Saturday morning in an interview with the Humboldt Mirror.

“But John was disliked on an issue-by-issue basis, whereas I plan to elevate arrogant intractability to a comprehensive, even holistic level,” he said.

“For example, my inability to work well with others at the Healthy Humboldt Coalition is directly related to my inability to work well with others on watershed issues, which in turn is related to my inability to work well with others on the important social justice challenges facing our county,” Lovelace explained.

“It’s all connected, so for me it comes down to deciding where I can be the most effective. And maybe that place is in therapy, where I can work out some of my control issues and attempt, finally, to cultivate a few basic interpersonal skills.”

But should he decide to run, Lovelace said, he believes he would have an edge over Wilson.

“I think the advantage I have in this race is that Mike is almost as much of a bone as I am, and that’s a message likely to resonate with Third District voters.”

Candidates have until March 8th to file papers declaring their candidacy.

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