Four days is too long to wait for us to cut and paste an effing My Word

But what the hell, you know? It was a Super Bowl weekend–one of the few times each year we’re allowed to drank early, often and with impunity. So get over it. Oh and while you’re at it, enjoy this My Word from the Saturday Times-Standard.

20 years is too long to wait for action on Balloon Track

My name is Gary Bird. I am a citizen and taxpayer of Humboldt County. I grew up in Eureka; water-skiing, crabbing and fishing on Humboldt Bay. If you frequent the bay, you’ve probably seen me walking my white and brown dog or fishing in my Boston whaler. I continue to enjoy Humboldt Bay, however I am extremely frustrated by the fact that for the last 20 years the Balloon Track has remained contaminated. The question that troubles me is why has it taken so long to make any progress cleaning up this site?

I’ve talked to Peter Nichols (Baykeeper), Bonnie Neely (4th district county supervisor), Randy Gans (CUE VI), Sidnie Olson (Eureka city planner), Carolyn Woodhouse (Regional Water Control Board), and other interested parties. I met with and reviewed financial statements regarding the Baykeeper, and other involved environmental groups. I’ve also reviewed reports from the California Regional Water Quality Control Board and local politicians campaign contributions. Despite my efforts the issue of why it has taken so long to clean the Balloon Track remained unanswered. So, I decided to do my own investigating, using a method that seems, at times, forgotten. I used common sense.

I walked the Balloon Track to see what I could see. Not knowing the scientific names, I will describe my observations as lots of mud puddles, a drainage ditch to the bay and lots of overgrown brush. Added to this is garbage, junk railroad cars, and a few bums. The one important thing I could not see, but I’m sure is there, is contaminants. That is the one issue all parties agree on.

Returning home, I made some phone calls and determined that the regulatory agency responsible for overseeing the environmental investigation and clean up at the Balloon Track, or any similar contaminated area, is the California Regional Water Quality Control Board. These folks, revealed that they have been involved in investigation and overseeing clean-up plans at the Balloon Track since 1988 (that’s right 1988). They described themselves as the experts in environment cleanup, stating “That’s what we do up and down the state.” They describe the current cleanup plan as satisfactory and appropriate.

So there we have it! The Balloon Track is contaminated but cleanable.

But wait! The environmental folks don’t like the plan for clean-up. So, I read their appeal in the Coastal Commission office. Man did that make it sound complicated. They took issue with the clean-up report and basically requested that the clean-up plan return to square one. But what could be their motive? That’s where the financial report (Prop. 65) comes in. Wow! Do they make a good living. More confusion.

Interestingly, staff from the California Regional Water Quality Board commented that the Baykeeper suggested cleanup alternatives (refer to Coastal Commission appeal) is an option but in their opinion it is a complete “overkill.”

Next stop 4th District County Supervisor Bonnie Neely’s Office, at 9:30 a.m. on Dec. 22, 2009. After careful consideration, I decided to use my common sense approach again (Since Neely and I are Eureka High School classmates, I was sure we could have a meaningful conversation). That thought ended when Supervisor Neely met me with her attorney in tow. The three of us adjourned to a conference room where I was basically schooled by a savvy politician and her attorney.

Nothing of substance was discussed. However, I do recall Supervisor Neely suggesting that she was satisfied with the Balloon Track process and progress and that any and all future development around the bay could expect the same sort of care and concern by her office. Ouch! Departing the meeting I wished Supervisor Neely a speedy retirement (perhaps we could go fishing together someday?).

So what did I learn? Well, to begin with after more than 20 years the Balloon Track continues to be contaminated. Despite having a plan to clean-up the tract, approved by city and state officials, the project has once again been delayed by bureaucratic review. This time by the California Coastal Commission, one wonders what will be next?

Regarding the environmental groups who oppose the cleanup efforts, the one clear motive that stands out is the issue of money, as reflected in the Proposition 65 settlement summary. If nothing else the reader should review the Prop. 65 settlement summary. That public information might provide an understanding of some of the environmental groups motivation.

Bonnie Neely’s refusal to provide leadership in this matter is most disappointing. Her attitude toward development on the bay ought to scare the hell out of all taxpayers. It would appear that her large campaign contributors have a major influence on her decisions regarding the bay. Ms. Neely’s role as chairperson on the California Coastal Commission and as Humboldt County’s 4th District supervisor seems to be a serious conflict of interest.

Please citizens GET INVOLVED. Investigate, ask questions, and hold your political leaders responsible. Elect leaders who are not beholding to special interests but rather are looking out for the vitality and well-being of our community. Learn more about the Coastal Commission, its seemingly limitless powers, and the environmental groups who use red herring tactics when their true motives appear to be financial. Go walk the Balloon Track and see what all of the hullabaloo is about.

We taxpayers deserve land and a bay that is not contaminated, and 20 years is too long to wait for action.

Gary E. Bird, a retired Humboldt County probation officer, resides in Myrtletown.

James Faulk: The unauthorized translation

For those of you who struggled to understand what longtime Bonnie Neely apologist James Faulk was getting at in his opinion piece news article in today’s Times-Standard, we went to the trouble and expense of having it professionally translated into plain English. No reason why, really, except maybe so even stupid people like us can grasp how gifted a suck-up Faulk really is.

Here is the official translation:

Yeah Pierson gave Neely that $10 thou, but it’s not all about Arkley. Bill and Bonnie go way back, and I mean WAY back, to when Bonnie was helping him obstruct other potential competitors. Then some guy I don’t know from Oregon did $2 thou, then there’s the Hofweber thing, which isn’t weird at all, then, oh yeah, that building firm with Coastal Commission issues, gloss over that for the time being, and then like 50 cents each from some other people. Okay.

So that whole building firm thing–not an issue. Really. Because they destroyed the Dana Point coastline in 2004, whereas Bonnie wasn’t appointed to the Coastal Commission until 2004. See? Definitely not an issue. While I can’t attribute any of this, because it would be kind of dumb even by my standards to quote Bonnie defending Bonnie, trust me when I say she wasn’t involved in the major approval decision. Just in all those little issues subsequent to that. But hey, she said she voted for some and against others, and I’m sure she did. That’s how she rolls.

Now look away, people, or I’ll have to trot out another 1,500 words on her fucking dachshunds the week before the election.

When life hands you lemons….

As District Four Supervisor Bonnie Neely parlays her position as chair of the California Coastal Commission into some tidy stacks of campaign cash, her campaign finance filings indicate the true depth of her popular support. Call us cynical, but this looks like something less than an outpouring of grassroots enthusiasm.

Not exactly a groundswell of popular support, is it?

Good thing this doesn’t smell bad. At all. Really.

This looks like an excellent use of coastal resources.

Remember Dana Point?

We do, although last time we were there it didn’t look exactly like this. They hadn’t yet, you know, ruined it or whatnot.

But let’s not get bogged down in the details. Instead–quickly!!–a few words from the sales literature.

Ahem: “Situated on 121 acres of pristine beachfront terrain, The Strand at Headlands is [make that "was"] the last undeveloped oceanfront property in Orange County, Calif. Nestled between Laguna Beach and San Clemente, Dana Point maintains its small-town atmosphere and is characterized by nearly seven miles of prominent coastal bluffs and rolling hills along the Pacific Ocean. Virtually all of the homesites at this gated community have unobstructed ocean views, with the front row sitting a mere 25 feet above Strand Beach, with private staircases planned that will lead to the surfing haven below. Phase I lots are sold out; a second phase of 10 homesites was expected at presstime to be released in early February, with prices ranging from $4 million to $8 million. The Strand homeowners will have private use of a 9,000-square-foot Beach Club. Sanford Edward’s two firms, Master Plan Developments and White Sand Realty, are currently the managing partner and broker of record that oversee the development activities at the Strand.”

We’d ask what’s not to love–but come on, people. Nothing. Duh.

No, the only question we have is this: Why would the developer of this California Coastal Commission-approved waterfront-destroying housing behemoth give $10,000 to the campaign of a backwater supervisor of a county 600 miles away, even if the supervisor does–coincidentally, we’re sure–happen to serve as the Coastal Commission chair?

Guest Graphic….the presidential “Applausometer”

Thanks to loyal Mirror reader Dynamohum for this gem. Dynamohum and The Mirror Statistics Dept. teamed up and crunched the numbers after Pres. Obama’s State of the Union borefest on Wednesday. The following is the breakdown on how members of Congress and the other government officials in attendance reacted.

Can we get some fries with that shake?

Even in this economy, Sneaky Pete and the Bon Bon have been fortunate enough to find supplemental employment that makes full use of their skill-sets.

Hard to lose

Gold teeth and neck tattoos? Okay, but does he have any distinguishing physical characteristics?

It’s difficult to imagine mislaying this gentleman. But evidently it’s not impossible.

Consider the Times-Standard’s description of the missing man: “[Jerry] George is a black male adult, 6′ 3″ tall, weighing about 250 pounds. He has a tattoo on his left forearm that reads ‘Hauna’ and one on his neck that reads ‘Shanda.’ He also has gold teeth.”

Good luck tracking him down with so few clues.

Bomb squad detonates bike light, reputation

This thing had Unabomber written all over it.

Well.

Except for the bomb. Which was notably not in evidence.

When not causing cities to be evacuated, this Arcata resident acts in Geico commercials.

Babydaddy Edwards admits the obvious

John Edwards, left, and Chris Kerrigan share a passion for politics, personal integrity and cutting-edge hair design.

Okay, so probably no one will file this story under “shocking.” We at the Humboldt Mirror are not exactly in the know, if you will, and even we saw this coming months ago.

But somehow the former presidential candidate and Chris Kerrigan idol still retains his ability to impress. Take for example this line from the news article: “Edwards’ admission today …  indicates that his relationship with Hunter [Rielle] continued months after his wife announced that her cancer had returned and that it was incurable.”

Nice. Well, stay classy, John. Stay classy.

Panic at the BK

For those of you worried that the Times-Standard’s Chris Durant was seriously butt-hurt about being featured in the Mirror’s expanded earthquake coverage, fret not. The YouTube sensation and slender half of the former Fat Guys has taken his spy-cam panic routine to fine dining establishments across the North Coast. His schedule of appearances is posted on the Times-Standard’s website, right under the notice stating that off-loading several hundred million dollars of debt in bankruptcy will have absolutely zero impact on the Media News Group’s operations.

What, me worry?