Linda Atkins’ sparkling personality continues to light our path

Pretty in Pink (photo credit: The Eureka Times-Standard)

Pretty in Pink (photo credit: The Eureka Times-Standard)

Aah, Linda Atkins, gracious even in victory. Humboldt County’s most unlikable politician demonstrates yet again why a man no one ever heard of before came within 300 votes of unseating her miserable ass.

According to the Times-Standard, while being sworn in Tuesday for her second term, Atkins said she was glad the “hideous campaign” was over. She followed this up with some equivalently tone-deaf remarks about the superiority of her campaign.

She apparently didn’t say anything about her former opponent’s nefariously round signs, but we’re sure that continues to stick in her throat, along with all of the expressions of human warmth and decency she can’t bring herself to utter.

Happy Thanksgiving USFWS!!!!

WHOOPS: Bugs misread election results, not that it matters…

Evidently when reading election results, one should read the entire line, not just one part. For a few minutes there, we thought and reported that Joe Bonino was up by 50, when as one anonymous noted, he’s actually down by 208 as the Times-Standard reported last night.

That whole contest, though, kind of left me scratching my head. Why does it matter? Key votes will continue to be 4-1, whereas if Bonino had won they would instead be 5-0. I believe the term for this is functional equivalency.

That said, is the race over? Are all the votes counted? Even if there was a sack of uncounted votes somewhere, it seems like a deficiency of 208 would be a hard corner to turn.

Anyway. Maybe Linda Atkins’ “She’s Disagreeable” platform resonated with voters after all.

Report: Atkins would suspend campaign, if she had one

In a show of solidarity with East Coast Democrats hit hard by Hurricane Sandy, City Councilwoman Linda Atkins announced today that she would suspend her re-election campaign, if she had one.

Linda Atkins stole this jacket from Virginia Bass.

“Yeah, big whoop, I know,” Atkins said. “I could actually give a shit about New York, but fuck. I had to do something to get my name in the paper, you know?”

Atkins explained. “Everyone’s all, ‘Oh yeah, Linda, run for re-election, Linda, we need you,’ but then no one gives me shit for money and my dumb ass is out there raffling off the six fucking lawn signs I could afford to make and having to fabricate BS stories so people will remember I exist.”

Atkins previously made headlines by stating that Sandy would make a “direct hit” on Eureka after annihilating Des Moines, Salt Lake and Carson City. She pointed to predictions by federal weather officials that temperatures in Eureka would likely plunge into the low- to mid-40s around Humboldt Bay overnight. Residents would also battle “perfect storm” conditions as winds — expected to gust upwards of 14 mph — combined with as much as .14 inches of rain. Micro-flooding and damp vegetation would impact many low lying areas or lawn with poor drainage.

“Okay, whatever,” Atkins said. “I would just like to point out to all the people out there who say I don’t do nothing but grandstand around and bitch about whatever the other councilmembers do that, okay, there’s some truth to that, but there’s also some truth to there hasn’t been a single hurricane to hit Eureka since I was elected, okay?” she said. “So suck on that.”

Uh… guys?

Let’s see. Divide by n… carry the one… scooch that decimal point a couple places to the left… Could it be worth four million dollars? Wait–That can’t be right.

“Wonder L” Atkins feeding re-election campaign with superhero-size diet of bullshit

“Wonder L” Atkins

Holy irony Batman!

Eureka City Councilwoman Linda Atkins is launching her re-election campaign with a ruse that it will take a concerted effort from “all of us” to make a change in the Eureka community.

(By “all of us” she kinda sorta means a minority of the progressive people she represents and one particular businessman willing to throw tens of thousands of dollars anywhere in the county every few election cycles to make sure Eureka’s landscape remains economically friendly to his bottom line.)

Atkins’ campaign website says the “2010 elections reminded us that money CAN really buy elections, but in our small city; Linda Atkins thinks that PEOPLE can and will begin to take our city back this year.”

Shit yeah! No doubt she’ll be counting on two particular “PEOPLE” in 2012 to pay for her re-election.

A Times-Standard article published a month before she was elected in 2008 highlighted “how a few big donors could change the dynamics of an election” and “show how money from outside city limits can play a sizable role in the race for Eureka’s council seats.”

The T-S pointed out that it was Atkins and failed progressive candidate George Clark who were the biggest beneficiaries of said money. There was $9,000 from Pierson Building Supply owner Bill Pierson and $2,250 from McKinleyville resident Ken Miller.

Go figure.

Kirk Girard’s GPU Monkeyfuck dies with a wimper

What? General Plan shocker!! Who saw this coming?

Other than everyone, of course.

We saw it coming, and we’re not even smart.

Anyone who thought this board was going to blithely accept the Kirk Girard General Plan Update needs to be issued an encephalitic helmet so he or she can walk down that hall without further injury to the brain. Elections have consequences. The progs flogged the dog on the GPU for more than a dozen years in a process that was, most of the time, laughably fucked, and now they’ve lost control of the process. This is commonly referred to as the will of the voters, the way of the world. Sometimes one side wins, sometimes another. And anyone who can’t hack that basic political fact should go back to working for Ken Miller. He’s always just about one idiot shy of a quorum, and it looks like in this case there are two up for grabs.

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