A little something from the mailbox

Law Firm Joins ‘League of NO’

Attorneys Move to Defend Right to Litigate on the Klamath

Portland, OR – Today law partners Ian Security, Hiam Power, and Les Waters spoke out against stability and security in the Klamath Basin alleging that it would undermine the basin’s litigation based economy. Their comments were made in Portland while enjoying sips of shade grown, GMO-free, organic, fair trade, latte’ sweetened with pure brown cane suger -soy, no milk.

“We join with our clients in opposition to the Klamath Basin Restoration Agreement which will end litigation as we know it in the Klamath Basin and force lawyers, political extremists of all stripes, and land developers out of work,” stated lawyer Ian Security.

The Firm’s comments come as local KBRA opponents host a meeting to vociferously agree with one another and lay waste to their own self interests today in Klamath Falls.

“This deal would be the end of the Klamath as we know it,” said local elected Doug Missedit, a client of the Firm. “We have a God given American right to ensure that future generations can enjoy the same fear and anxiety as their parents as they struggle to make a living on the family farm! My base expects me to put an end to all attempts at compromise and problem solving and I aim to deliver.”

The Law Firm believes that the KBRA puts an unfair risk on the livelihoods of lawyers, political ideologues and land developers while favoring elite family farmers, ranchers, Tribal and commercial fishermen, and related small businesses. “It is simply un-American to favor local farmers and fishermen over lawyers from Portland and San Francisco. The next thing you know they’ll be having a salmon and potato festival in the middle of Klamath Falls and down river kids will be dancing with up river kids!”

The Firm plans to re-double donations to Oregon Mild, the Resource Conservancy and other groups sharing their commitment to status quo.

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Security, Power, and Waters
Attorneys at Law
Portland • San Francisco •  New York • London • Tokyo

About our firm: For the past 20 years, Ian Security, Hiam Power, and Les Waters have been working with clients to reduce certainty and enhance economic risk in the Klamath Basin. Working with diverse interests such as out of touch environmental groups, ranchers turned developers, and ideologically driven politicians, our firm has maintained status quo despite the efforts of family farmers and other locals to solve the problems that drive our businesses.

 

Testimonials from Satisfied Clients

“I wouldn’t be where I am today without the help of Security, Power and Waters. I mean, unless people are kept in a constant state of fear and anxiety how could an ideologically driven political extremist like me ever get elected?”

Doug Missedit
Local elected official

“Unless problems remain unresolved, you can’t expect radical environmental groups to scare people into writing checks to our organizations. Without the talented partners at Security, Power, and Waters we could never have maintained status quo so long!”

Ani Causadoo
Executive Director
Oregon Mild

“When farming has a future, land developers don’t. Thankfully, Power, Security, and Waters are here to help me turn risky family farm businesses into ranchettes for the wealthy!”

Roger Dickelson
Farmer turned developer

NEC, Baykeeper continue battle to undam cash flow

As an agreement that would remove four dams on the Klamath River inches closer, a bunch of folks with “Undam the Klamath” stickers on the bumpers of their Subarus and light trucks are scrambling to make sense of their own talking points.

They want the dams removed now, so they’re going to oppose agreements to remove them in the future.

They want fish populations restored now, so they’re going to oppose agreements to restore them in the future.

They want water flows restored now, so they’re going to oppose agreements to restore them in the future.

Currently we’re being asked to wait 11 years to put the North Coast’s most important watershed back together as part of a delicate and complex series of agreements. But as one longtime river advocate said in today’s Times-Standard, “The dams will stay in place for another 50 years if this all falls apart.”

Maybe falling apart is exactly what some progs are aiming for.

You may recall that when Paykeeper and the Northcoast Environmental Center were forced to choose between dam removal and suing someone, both immediately decided they could live with the dams.

Yurok tribe policy analyst Troy Fletcher points out that Klamath issues can’t be resolved in a courtroom, but when you keep your nonprofit and your lifestyle afloat through legal extortion, it doesn’t actually matter if the issues are resolved.

Revitalizing salmon runs? Irrelevant. Preventing dioxin from leeching into the bay? Who cares. As long as Sneaky Pete Nichols has someone to sue, it’s peace on earth and all that happy shit.

The Tale of Chicken Little…or some stupid shit

The sky is falling, the sky is falling.

Guest submission awards announced

Bon Bon has never looked better.

Due to the large number of image submissions from our loyal readers, the Humboldt Mirror has decided to reward their work by displaying them for all to see. It will also give our “overworked” Graphics Dept. a break to pursue their excessive cheap beer binging.

Thanks DynamoHum for “Hot Bonnie.”

Thanks Anonymous for “Risky Marky.”

And thanks to Sleepless in Fortuna for “Clify Appleseed.”

Hugs, friends!!!

Where would Jesus shop?

"A Home Depot in Eureka? Now that's worth coming back for."

Fall cleaning in the Friendly City

Following on the heels of Eureka’s wildly popular electronic waste amnesty collection event at the Wharfinger Building last month, Fortuna asked its friendly residents this week to haul in their unwanted used tires and any unsightly riffraff to keep the city looking its best. Waste management officials said they intend to recycle the radials and relocate any errant homeless  back to the Arcata Plaza where they belong. Event coordinators remind residents that there is a drop-off limit of 10 tires and 2 bums per household.

Let's get 'em back to Arcata where they belong.

Midterm election exit poll highlights

According to the Humboldt County Election Office’s almost final official “Unofficial Election Night Final Report” Richard Marks defeated John Ash and Susan Penn to win the Fourth Division Harbor District race. Third District incumbent Mike Wilson narrowly* defeated Dan Hauser to retain his seat.

The Humboldt Mirror Election Coverage Department was in the field to gauge public opinion.

What will you miss most about the midterm campaigns?

* With 5 precincts remaining to be counted and Wilson with a better than 1,000-vote lead. Which means yes, hyper-literal dumbfucks, we’re kidding.

Jill Duffy loves her some Mayo

Gittyup!

Fifth District Supervisor Jill Duffy and MCSD Director Dennis Mayo have not exactly been BFFs through the years. In fact, despite certain ideological affinities, their relations at times have been quite a bit less than cordial. Yet today when it came time for Duffy to fill a vacancy on the Planning Commission, who does she appoint?

Well. While the announcement comes as a surprise, it’s a not unpleasant one. Mayo is a local boy, which is an improvement over being, say, a carpetbagging lawyer from the Coastal Commission brought in to toe the prog line. We’re confident the McKinleyville High alum will act in the best interests of the county. Congrats, Dennis!!

Image stolen from here.

Hoover does Hauser

Yoda Hoover: Blind we are if creation of this clone army we could not see.

Arcata Eye Editor Kevin Hoover says he’s supporting Mike Wilson for Harbor District commissioner, but his explanation includes an informed and interesting riff on both opponent Dan Hauser and the inconstancy of political memory.

Hoover writes,

The local “progressive” contingent has not let this election slip by without again acting like the worst sort of Atwater Republicans. One labeled Hauser a “minion” of his backers. Right – he got his way opposing those people when they were dominant and it was really, really hard. For his final act he’s going to kow-tow to these people? Apparently it isn’t possible that he just holds a different vision. There just has to be something corrupt about anyone who strays from the doctrine.

Someday a shiny new politician will come along who’s even eco-groovier than Mike Wilson. Look out, Mike – when that happens, the current crop of microbrew-swilling party-time enviro-buddies you think are your friends right now will turn on you with blinding speed, making you out as a “minion” and worse.

Case in point: with the usual courageous and highly principled anonymity, the Humboldt Herald’s “Heraldo” mocked the “greenwashing” of Hauser. Here’s a man without whom the freeway from Eureka to Arcata would now be lined with a run-down motel, shopping center, apartment blocks and mobile home park, while our sewage would be processed by a giant, stupid, energy-sucking treatment plant in Manila, with pipelines full of poop running all over the landscape. Stewart Park would be a common-wall subdivision, and Sunny Brae would have all kinds of costly drainage, erosion and other infrastructure problems from the cheesy subdivision the Strombergs wanted to build up in the Grotzman Creek watershed. And then there’s that little old thing called the Marsh and Wildlife Sanctuary.

Dan has done more in his life for the environment than any 50 of us could ever hope to accomplish, and yet an Internet doofus who doesn’t know anything about ATOPAK or much else because she forgoes original research in favor of regurgitating received opinion, marginalizes him as an environmental non-achiever in need of “greenwashing.” Only in blogland.

Thanks to Fred Mangels (the undisputed king of Humboldt blogdom) for providing the link to Hoover’s complete report.

Pierson hearts Ash. A lot.

Harbor District candidate John Ash’s campaign finance filings are late again, but when they finally do appear, it’s unlikely his moderate and conservative supporters are going to be thrilled about that $3,000 contribution from Bill Pierson.

It might not be the largest amount ever raised by a candidate for one of the unpaid commission seats, but we’d be fascinated to learn if there’s ever been a single contribution larger than this.

And Big Bill doesn’t have a history of tossing money around blindly. He tends to get repaid.

So what will Ash do for him?